Why can’t I just be awesome!

Or I could be a poet and write a diffferent story. One that tells of glory and wipes away the lies.”
-Shrek on Broadway

Every once in a while I just wonder why I am not making the difference I feel I should be. Sometimes I’ll hear about great, brave things that other BYU students like Amy Gordan and her fabulous talk on Mother’s Day on Heavenly Mother (seriously, a dream of mine) and I wonder why I so often feel like I’m cracking under pressure here. I wonder why I can’t seem to sit through church without bursting into tears, and why I havn’t come up with some way of making the world a better place. I wonder if I will work my whole life trying to make things better for the future and yet result in no changes. How are people not going mad? How are people somehow managing to function in this place, in the world, letting the comments and oppresive platitiudes roll off their backs. It isn’t really a matter of avoidance or not attracting backward comments. If you go to church, you will hear them, and hear them again and again. How are they DOING that? How are people making a difference?

Being new to the whole world of Mormon Feminism (in it’s nacle format) and coming from a pretty conservative background, I havn’t really built up the combat muscles to fight and ignore my way through things day-to-day.

Perhaps I am too idealistic. I don’t think there is such a thing. A religion which punishes idealism is like an olympic coach that punishes exercise.

*Big Sigh*


1 Comment

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One response to “Why can’t I just be awesome!

  1. I think you’re making a difference.

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