And they came so highly recommended.

Aaaaaah! Please stop talking!

There are young men I call “The regulars.”

Here are a few verbatim conversations with a few of my “current regulars.”

(*all names changed*)

Marlon

” JD…  I am insanely attracted to you….but you just can’t seem to fit me into your schedule.”

Me:”uhhh…”

several dates later…

“If I married you, I’d treat you like  a queen.”

” I’m going to be an Air Force officer.” (this is actually a huge plus for me)

“I love children”

We get talking about Susan Easton Black, and I say that I think she should be the Dean of Religion, but isn’t and that it is most likely because she is a woman and is barred from holding a ordained religious position in Mormonism.  I express belief that this resultant lack of promotion is unjust.

“Well, JD…I have nothing to say to that.  You know, being prevented from moving upward will help her expand outward…you know…being kept from a position will help her grow in different ways.”

Me:”uhhh…”

(NOTE:  I would like to say that anyone who believes that keeping someone else down is somehow beneficial to that disempowered person… is sick. )

An aside: Marlon is also best friends with my most creepy molester boyfriend of all time…and even though he knows that he’s a creepy molester, Marlon still seems to find a way to bring him up all the time and talk about what great friends they are.  Marlon…what is wrong with you?

Skeeter

“*Something in french*  Also, here are 18 roses”

“I made you these crepes.”

“I made you this chocolate mousse.”

“I brought you this movie.”

“I’ve washed all your dishes…and the floor. Twice.”

“I’m a pro rock climber”

“I’m an award winning ballroom dancer.”

Note: I find Skeeter very very attractive…because he is…genetic lottery winner attractive…even without all the French and the presents.

But after holding a big feminist discussion group, and listening in on the discussion for a few minutes he says…

“JD…those people are joking ,right?”

Me: “uhhhh…”

Also, most of the discussion with Skeeter sounds a lot more like this…

“Tag….you’re it.”

“Hey hey hey, JD…look at my muscles!”

“I hate documentaries….let’s watch Goonies.”

“The movie ‘Hitch’…*swagger*…is based off of me.”

Me: “uhhhh…”

(I’m real articulate sometimes.)

St. John

” I’m going to stay here for an extra year and see how it goes with you.”

“I understand where some of your feminist concerns are coming from.”

“I love evolution and science.”

Several months later…

“Now it’s serious, JD.  You need to decide where your allegiances lie and you need to align yourself with the counsel of our leaders and give up this ‘feminism.’  If you don’t, I can’t have a woman like you raising my children.  This concerns me. ”

“uhhhhh………ok. Bye.”

Chad

“I’m in love with you.  You are my everything.  Marry me?”

Me: “No.”

several months later

“Marry me….please?”

Me: “No.”

several months later

“I’m older, more financially stable, you would have a house, and health care and  a car.  I’m getting deployed, so you wouldn’t even have to sleep with me for months.  Marry me?”

Me: “No.”

(While I commend him on the growing pragmatism of his proposals, he’s got to realize that the efficacy of his argument decreases substantially when the object of his ‘affection’ is perfectly capable of getting her own house, health care and car…and sleeping by herself…without his help.)

He has since stopped asking.

Jake

“Heeey.  Are you looking at sheets for your bed?”

JD “Ya. Just foldin’ em up.”

“Would you *wink wink, nudge nudge* like to share them with me?”

JD: *laugh* No….no wait….no.

“See, you hesitated!  You want some!”

JD: No.

“What, is it cause your Mormon and you don’t want to sleep with a guy till you *nudge* get a ring on that finger?”

(Note: Jake is a Mormon too.   ie. A member of The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints.)

JD: No.

“No?  You’re not saving yourself, then? Well, then…”

JD: No.

pause

JD: Just…no.

“You seem displeased?”

JD: Ya…*good natured laugh* just busy and stuff.

“Do you need someone…to uh…pleasure….you?”

JD: *good natured laugh stops*…*pause*….Dude, seriously?  No….just….no.

Mason

“I like to memorize poetry.”

“I hate the establishment.”

several dates later

Mason’s brain:  “A good idea to get this girl to like me would be to slowly scoot toward her until she is completely crammed against the wall, and our legs and arms are pressing together…and then sitting that way, whispering in her ear through the whole concert…while she looks uncomfortable.  Ya…ya.  That’ll never fail.”

JD’s brain: “It will fail.”

several dates later

” I REALLY REALLY REALLY like to memorize poetry.”

“I hate the establishment!  I HATE HATE HATE IT!  I HATE IT SO MUCH!  AHHH!”

Me: “Whoa….whoa….uh….ok.”

I would never marry any of these men…and just to prove I’m not just saying this rashly, I’ll even give myself a minute to think about it………………………..

*a minute later*

Ya, no.  I still would not marry any of these men.

That’s one of the great things about having such rare qualifications in dating ( educated- feminist-Mormon-nonpervert) for my particular dating pool, is it makes choosing much easier.  And by easier…I mean my options have pretty much been non-existent for months at a time.

Sometimes I think that having a desire to date a (real, both intellectual and practical) feminist guy in Mormopia is about as useful as having a canoe on Mars.

I mean a canoe/desire is a great thing…just not in this location.

This is one reason I’ve all but decided not to marry. Ever.

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5 Comments

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5 responses to “And they came so highly recommended.

  1. C.

    My dating life seems very tame in comparison. I’ve never had a Mormon guy offer to pleasure me (aside from husband). Chad may be my favorite, although Skeeter does try really, really, really, obnoxiously hard.

    Ditch ’em. They all seem slightly (read: unbelievably) off.

  2. Sterling Fluharty

    If this is just a sample of all the guys you are dating at the same time, and you are hoping they will all leave you alone, I say invite all of them to show up somewhere simultaneously and meet the competition. At least some of them are bound to give up after that. And if you are dissatisfied with your “particular dating pool,” maybe you should think about expanding it.

  3. jddaughter

    @C: Ya C….you know some of them.
    @ Sterling : Indeed, Sterling. I’ve considered perhaps widening it geographically, but pragmatically…I’m not exactly sure how that’ll work.

  4. As for expanding your dating pool, it sounds like you’re only willing to date self-identified, out-and-proud feminists (I obviously don’t know your exact criteria, but having the guy who likes you in the other post read great feminist lit seems to point that way). There are, I think, a fair amount of guys who are unwittingly feminist. They’re ok with their wife working, they want to marry a smart woman, they are egalitarian about most aspects of a relationship, but… they also don’t like the term ‘feminist.’ Maybe they were raised where in a family where it was a dirty word, maybe it’s just not their issue, or whatever. So my point is, I think you could find guys who won’t treat you condescendingly, or if they do in a few small ways they don’t recognize they’d be humble enough to change with a firm but gentle explanation from you about what’s wrong with it. They might not ever say they’re feminist, but they are and they’re worth dating.

    But maybe you’re really only looking for the hard-core feminist guys, or maybe you have the same thoughts I outlined above and I just have too much faith in my co-genderists as not all being completely sexist. Just thought I’d throw that out there, though 🙂

  5. jddaughter

    @ Austin
    Post pending with my thoughts on the matter.

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