Do the ends justify the means…

So, an interesting phenomenon has been taking place.

This has actually happened, like, twice the last 2 months.

A guy will express an interest.  I am not interested.  “Why!”, he inquires.  I tell him that, among other things,  I am only interested in feminist dudes and that I will only really date a guy who understands the premises and will not exercise unjust privileged, and won’t require me to constantly have to explain, and reexplain why his behavior is sexist or inappropriate, for the rest of my life.

At this point the guy looks at me, a little glazy-eyed.

“Look dude.”, I simplify, “I only date guys who are intellectual and practical feminists.  I would not date a guy who is not a feminist.”  Also, there are plenty of other reasons, besides not being a feminist, that I would not date him.

…Now I have just spent the last hour finding links, book recommendations and writing e-mails back and forth to a guy who swears up and down that NOW he really wants to know all about feminism.  He wants to be a feminist.  He wants nothing more in life than to discuss this with me.

Now, the larger part of me realizes that this guy is not HALF as interested in empowering women and fighting for social justice as he is in staying in my good favor.

I remember everything I was ever taught about watching out for guys who join Mormonism just for you…and how that hardly ever works out.

I have to keep stopping myself from inserting into the e-mails and facebook messages “You know _________, this isn’t going to change anything.  I’m still not gonna date you. So are you sure you want to do this?  Go through all this effort?”

“What he doesn’t know can’t hurt him….right?”

And why don’t I say that?  I guess it’s because, deep inside, I’m almost positive he’ll just drop it, and probably never talk to me again for that matter.

And I really want him to get into feminism…to understand that empowering women is important and that social justice is important.

I want to teach him about feminism.  If his being attracted to me, for however short a time,  is the only vehicle able to motivate him to do some research, take a second look at some of his unjust cultural privleges, and become a better  person with this knowlege…then I don’t see why not.

Well, actually I do.  He comes into this with half a heart and all sorts of expectations that I have absolutely no intention of fulfilling.  And this isn’t a bad guy.  He’s a good, sensitive, almost overly invested guy.

And now I sit here, at 1:00 AM, on the first of July, in mismatched pajama bottoms and top, wondering if the ends ( a guy having read, and discussed, and at least tried to understand injustices he might otherwise perpetuate) justify the means.

I’m sure I’ll tell him straight that there is no hope….maybe.  Can’t I just wait until he finishes “The Declaration of Rights and Sentiments” first?


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