I have a dress.
I found it while shopping with fabulous friend Emmeline Jay.
It is pretty much the sexiest thing I’ve ever owned.
Audrey Hepburn, were she alive, would be green with envy. Seriously…if she saw it there might be a serious chance she would do herself a harm—-or, at the very least, her now incompetent-seeming wardrobe specialists.
The thing is a, no joke, exact replica of a Coco Chanel original. I kid you not. I’d like to think, that Coco, knowing the budget I was working with, would be proud of my high fashion taste, and would be flattered by my emulation of her designs.
It is black, floor-length satin. It fits perfectly (unless someone takes me out for Chicken Teriyaki and “Peach Bombs” again….you know who you are.), hugging my body in all the right places. It is held up in halter style, ending at the neck, which wraps around my neck and clasps at the back- a thick white band covered in pearls.
Long strands of pearl-covered satin trace down my bare back and connect again with the dress.
Just…it’s the sexiest thing ever. Probably the hottest, most seductive thing I’ve tried on since that one time I went mock lingerie shopping when I was super super single and had absolutely no business doing such a thing.
And it’s not like I can just cover it with a cardigan, or wear any old shirt underneath it. It’s kind of like having a non-Mormon boyfriend. I know I can’t change you, dress…but we are perfect for each other. I should never have tried you on…but I don’t regret it for an instant.
Right now I just resign myself to wearing it around the house. Pacing from mirror to me when noone is home.
“Wow! Is that me?”
“There I am again. Lookin’ Good JD.”
“Who is that sexy ….? Oh, it’s just me.”
“*shuffle shuffle shuffle* If I stand right here, I can catch a glimpse of both the front and back simultaneously. Daaaaaaaaaang, awesome dress. Dang.”
“Eat it, Golightly!”
“I wonder how I’d look holding a cocktail? *’clink clink clink’ in the cupboard*, Ooop….yep. International spy. Definitely.”
In fact, this sin dress, which I could never wear in public because of my religious traditions, which are dear to me, has been an influence for good. I put down that extra cookie, and work out harder at the gym because somewhere in the back of my mind I think, “I’d hate to not be able to fit the sin dress.”….which I will never wear in public.
That’s right, the Sin Dress may save me from hardened arterries and and diabetes when I’m 70, because I’m making healthy choices now.
Thanks sin dress.